The Fable of the Club Girls and the Four Times Veteran (1914)

Once a lot of grown-up girls organized a club for the discussion of current evils. The principal current evil they discussed was man. The object was to find some way to keep them home at nights. One dame thought every wife ought to provide her companion with an intellectual atmosphere so he wouldn't sneak out at night to the thirst parlor. Another suggested dolling up so the flirtatious wretch wouldn't even think of other women. Hattie Jenkins felt sure any husband would stick around home if showered with affections. After the amateurs got through the stern-faced widow, veteran of four trips to the altar, arose and put over some hot ones. "What you dolls don't know about men would fill a library, your theories are a joke. Let me tell you of my matrimonial ventures." She then started in and, oh, how ignorant she did make them feel. She testified that her most popular husband was a R.R. man and was never home. Moral: Absence makes the heart grow accustomed.